And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
