the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
