i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
