YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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