I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
