I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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