Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
