Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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