just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
