Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
