the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she told me i tasted like america
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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