Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
