Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
