She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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