coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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