Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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