I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
