lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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