you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize