I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
