So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
