Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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