everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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