That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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