she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
