And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
me + whiskey = a bad person
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
