3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
