so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
