my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
