so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
