Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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