After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
