Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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