I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize