i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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