I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
