I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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