College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
