Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
