it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
