I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
