Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
