I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
