i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
