I'm going to jail i love you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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