I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
