Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
