Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
