Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
