Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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