either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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