I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
