i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
