oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
