I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
