A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
