At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
