You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
