I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
