I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
