i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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