Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need to sanitize my soul.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
