tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
