peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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