i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
