Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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