pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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