If i come over, it means nothing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
