Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize