That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
